I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
