We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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