I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I am one with the molecules
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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