So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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