I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
