I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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