I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
