Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I just googled if crying burns calories
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
