Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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