Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
