Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
