This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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