Can i not drive my cunt home
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
