I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
