That's intense
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
two words...techno handjob
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
