i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
