My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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