So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He passed out mid-signature
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
