can we get nightvision for the apartment?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
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This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
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Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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