I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
