I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
