She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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