No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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