And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Randomize
