The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
