so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
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And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
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He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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