You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
