Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
