I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
