remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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