That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
