I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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