Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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