his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
