Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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