U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
