I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
