dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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