where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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