day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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