So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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