Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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