we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
a search helicopter?!
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
