u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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