man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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