I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
