just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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