WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
