I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
