i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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