WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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