plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
