Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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