and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
