I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
