im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
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