when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
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I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize