you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
