she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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