she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
