My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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