Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
