So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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