Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
