I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
