All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
