Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
