Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
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