Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
you traded sex for a burrito?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
