I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Operation Purity has been aborted
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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