Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
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At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
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Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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