So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
