i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
