She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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