If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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