Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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