He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
