from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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