I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
