I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
