The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
