How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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